Chapter 20

Life's been different for me now. Ever since entering SCDF, I've change alot about myself. I'm not the old me who use to love to joke, talk crap and disturb/irritate people everyday. Instead, I tend to be more quiet about life and things happening around me. I don't give out much comments and don't retaliate when people do something to me.

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware."

So say I might me more matured now. I don't know. But I still enjoy video games. I still love to have fun but not so much. I'm rather more serious now, more discipline and responsible. I don't like others to cover my back as I will do my best to cover my own butt. I do things that needs to be done and don't do things that will cause harm to the environment. Just like the pledge goes...

" I recruit Fawze of Bravo company, pledge to carry out my duties with full application of safety procedures so as to prevent accidents that could cause injuries to our members, members of the public and ourselves"

Safety is always my top priority. However I still got myself hurt. A cut on my left toe and a slight burn on my finger which was caused by the iron. It didn't hurt much as I will endure pain whenever I need to. Just as I will need to endure all the challenges ahead in life. Patience is the key and I guess I'm doing well now. Life goes on and there she goes again, away, further from my life and there's no looking back now. I was just pushed aside and let go. Now I'm,slowly ,taking back my life and moving on with it knowing it was a moment that I will never forget. To have all of you in my life, too many of you to mention now. Keep the support coming, no one can live life alone.

"I'm becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you!
And I know I may end up failing too. But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you..."

Evolution is a mystery, full of change that no one sees. The clock makes a fool of history. Yesterdays so long ago, no one believe in what I know. I see the line in the sand and I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

Everyone's moving along and I just don't want to be left behind. My bunk buddy once told me, a person like me will find someone very special and told me not to give up finding her. And if one day, that person comes along, he told me not to be afraid to ask her. Because anything is possible and there is nothing that I can't do. That made me happier to what he thought about me. Guess my bunk buddy is some what like Nasir, very jiwe and his voice is like Irfan. Seriously. 2 good old pals in one. I'm glad I still find good people in this world.

Friday was Phat Nite V. It was okay. I didn't enjoy myself much, brought a camera but no mood to take picture. I'm just feeling different nowadays. There weren't much people to dance with. I went in once and I just go out like less than 1 minute. And headed back to the VIP room. the room was like half full and not many were dancing like crazy. Its more like a rock show if you ask me. Didn't have any nice girls to dance with too, most were taken, yeah. But I don't find any of my type.=) Maybe my expectations are higher now. It's really difficult to find good ones nowadays, maybe they just faded away. Or maybe I just look things in a different point of view now. a matured mind eh?

Saturday was Dark Knight movie outing. The show was awesome. I was totally speechless. Its everything I expected it to be and more. I rate it 9/10. I didn't want the movie to end. Joker is way cool but only batman was cooler. And I wasn't expecting Two Face to appear. But from the flip of a coin, I expected him to come out soon. Had a chat with the NSboys after that, we had kebab. It looks nice but I couldn't afford one as I'm left with $2. I'm just waiting for my pay to come. So i just see them eat while talking while I just listen. I didn't talk much though.

Many things happened in camp but I guess I can't talk about it here. Its confidential. Anyone want to know, just ask me. I have a lot of NS stories to tell too.=)

Here are the designs and I'm finally rushing back to camp again. This designs are don't in a rush as I played too much game and totally forgot to design..haha, may be next week I will do more.=)
anyways, take care everyone and don't forget to tag or sms me when ever you please. Look forward to anyones concern.hehe,( I don't know if thats the right word to use. LOL)

Miss call-ing

Sometimes I just wondered where my friends gone to. Yeah, I'm sure all of them are busy with their own lives now. Everyone moved on and I have to move on too. Find new friends, new purpose in life, do something useful and learn new skills everyday. Maybe some are married now, maybe some pass on, some might even go overseas to further their studies.

I still want things to be just like they were when there were no computers. Life is so great, playing outdoors and calling my friends home just so we can go out. It's great. But now with computers and hand phones around, we tend to lose contact easier cause we will say.." Ehh, anything find me on msn or call my hp." But that kind of thing only works a few times. People will tend not to call or even talk on msn, but only happens if the other party initiate the talk.

We can even go to friendster to see our friends pic if we ever miss them or read their blogs to find out about them, and there is no need for us to call anymore isn't it? Now even better, we have video and voice recorders. We can just record and say what we want. I mean, what happen to the good old days. I really miss using my home phone.

I'm in a process of designing my platoon t-shirt. Hopefully mine gets approved. Will upload the design as soon as I'm done, hopefully by Sunday. If I couldn't finish it, then I will not show any designs. 1 day to design and I'm still at planning stage. Need to work faster than this.

Can't smile without you!

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brighten my day
Who would have believed that
You were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes
So very long to find
Well, I'm finding it hard
Leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

Just feel like leaving this song to the one's whos been there for me, this song is for you=)

Too soon

I'm in the SCDF. I feel one day just moves too fast when I'm at home. Too slow when I'm back in camp. 1st week was just plain Orientation week. Not much training yet. But I guess I won't get much training. More lessons and gym and maybe some swimming lessons. Everything was good. Everyone very friendly, kena scream a few times..but I expected that. I'm just adjusting to a new life. Need to greet all that I see since I'm the lowest life force in the whole camp. Even the uncle sweeping the floor must greet. LOL I guess. But I think it will be quite easy to adept as many of my old pals are there too. Like Fuad, Lam, Hairul, Nasir, Sebastian and my Neighbours Wan Firdaus and his brother, Wan Faiz. And guess what, my instructor is Iskandar. Guess many people huh?

So many funny things happen too. Laughed a lot and was happy even though I miss my mum, home food and especially home! But I had a good nights rest as there are people I called and SMS to make me relax. 1st night, i called home, talked to my mum. Then continue to talk to Erna. Her sweet voice make me sleep better. But the place is so cold as the forest is just next door and the cemetery goes after that. The fan is just above my bed and all the dust will drop on me. My bed will always be dirty after the morning area cleaning. And no one notice it! I was cleaning the grandstand all the way. So far, not much dirt as far as I can see. And I was blessed with a few days of good rain. =) 2nd night, I SMS nanny Joyce, and she was so funny, cause when she SMSed me, I was praying and my bunk mate read my SMS. Then he keep calling me baby now.-__-" Thanks Nanny! and she even said this " Nanny and mama will be there for you throughout your NS." this gave me a lot of reasons to be happy and move on with life cause I know there is still someone who cares. Mama even said she will SMS me every night to ask about how I'm doing. How sweet is that?! Mama, I still haven't get you cupcakes you know. Nanny, you still haven't gave me the thing you said you buy for me at Beijing.

Anyways, for all those who remember me, like Ally, Jessica, Nasir,Yew King, AO, Firdaus,Acan and Erna...I just want to thank all of you. I feel so bless with having all of you as my friends. I hope I will still have you no matter where I go and no matter what I do. I will always think of you. Sunday will book in again before 8pm must reach! and I feel like my free time pass by so fast! Can I have more time with my friends next week? I want to watch the DarK KnigHt next weekend!!!(anyone) Watched HellBoy II: the Golden Army . Its a cool movie, not really that good and not as I expected it since I didn't the 1st. Anands idea to watch also.

Anyways, Jessica still have not return my Hard disc! Will be back next week, now in need to get ready for next book in. I'm so in LOVE with my friends who have been there through hell with me and those who stick around to see me grow, suffer and cry all the way! may all of you go through this life together kays. take care everyone!=) tag many many when I'm gone kay?hehe

See you soon

[Beginning]
At first, it was all about this kid and a nurse.
Keep crying to the world as he felt the thirst
Taking way the money from his mummy's purse
All went as usual without even one moment to rehearse
There I go, saying unpredictable verses,
A curse to burst words without a purpose,
Handing up a rhyme and doing it on reverse,
As it is, I can't stop and it's making me nervous,
From bottom to top, I rose,
Climbing up slowly and those,
Friends of mine who remained close.
Been there through the highs and lows.
Well this is a rhyme I composed
from listening to the birds and crows
and banging the beat with my elbows
and frozen and broken, who knows
My heart is like river, it flows
Find a beat as life goes
On to a new chapter, it grows
Without a feeling of it as i doze
[2-Decades-in-the-Making]
Swing the sword for a classic 2 years,
Might just bring to sweat, blood and tears
Does anyone realize that I was even here.
To carry the mic and curse it all loud and clear
Throw a beat hard into everyone’s ear
and make sure they remember you disappeared
Oh dear, why do I have to be gone with this new career
Well bring on the spear, I have nothing to fear!
[3-Years-of-WeightGain]
Get on the scene and make a scene daily
To make a record as I break each one easily
Say what i mean, weather mean or politely
Do what ever it takes and then say sorry.
Polish it all up nightly till its shines like a white Nike
Is it just me or was that you all in my memory
I didn't let anyone go even if you treat me badly
I'm just the kind of person who loves his buddy
Keep it in his wallet wherever his feet will carry
him you know will love to eat Mcflurry and Mcspicy
Eat it everyday and now he has a belly
very big but it don't matter as long as he's happy
[Correcting-the-Wrongs]
This might sound funny but just wait for the next
I'm typing out more and its on my notepad
Just sit back, read, enjoy and relax
Cause this is a story of a boy and his keypad
Well I'm glad to type on this laptop,4 years I had
Never reformat it even if it's half way dead
Thanks lappy for letting wipe tears that I shed
Nobody knew it, other than me and my dad
Those pictures, music and videos I kept
I've held and raise my voice when I'm mad
Many might think, too bad its so sad
But that’s what I have to do to reflect
With no disrespect to anyone reading this sect
I just want to say the facts and effects
Please forgive and forget as nobody's perfect
This is not direct shot to the person that reject
It might sound wrong but it is correct
To have broken a neck and say out the defects
Let me begin with a new slack and turn back
With some new hits, arts and acts of attacks
[Secret-Side-Track]
Here I am with saying what’s not allowed,
Made a vow while raising eyebrows
I'm here to say I love cats’ meows
Their tiny paws and saying "wow!
You love baby hands now?"
[EndingSoon]
Anyone think they can just break,
Everybody just feels like they can relate
Everyone just loves to hate and imitate
What they thing is good rather than great
Going to run and rush out for my Pass out Parade
Well, I just can't wait for that date
In a state where I will vibrate at a fast rate
Excited and I just can't help but wait.
[Feedback-And-Relax]
This can't be true, I gonna leave my boo
My baby, my boo-cuuk and all of you
I will be back before you can say "helluu"
Oh my, all the things we've gone through
Stick like glue and that’s what you do
All those argues and flu, ArhhCuuuooo!
Stop sneezing at me, now here’s a tissue
Wipe it clean, do I need to help you?
Have no clue, do you Yahoo?
I feel Google is better, don't you?
You're head screw is lose, check your IQ
Maybe it's too low to understand this issue
Did you realise just how fast you grew
One minute you on the floor the next you flew
Oh sometimes I wonder if you even knew
No matter what you will always be my pikaCuu!
[Side-Dream-Story]
I was coming up with a third
when I finally got lost in words
I'm sure you all have heard
about the story of this coward
who was cool surrounded by nerds
life was black and uncoloured
the winter so cold and blizzards
it just makes his life worst
He was too scared to face the world
and then came along this girl
a fair, white and pretty Spaniard
But she was soon gone with the herds
And there goes another chapter in my book
I remembered all well cause I had a good look
Got rid of her just cause she can't cook
and she wanted was me to get hook
And I mistook her, yeah she was a Noob
[Last-Words]
Man, I'm gonna say all those who I will miss
Just going say it all out a day before I enlist:
Here goes a long list of people who means a lot to me
first of all, Brother, Sister, Mummy and Daddy
Friends like Rabia, Acan, Anand and Gabriel
Evolution pals, Irfan, Shalikeen and Faizal
Great excos like Nasir, Hairul, Firdaus,Kimo and Kamal
Zaty, Faz, Ain, Yani who been there with me through hell
Other greats like Cheryl, Theo, AO, Merv
Nanny Shan, Sabby,Eugene Vinny and BK is loved=)
Alvin, May,Yew King,Wentao, YJ and G-Ladies
CL, Nicky,Eileen, Lynn,Tattoo,XW and Jessie
Fabulous Poly mates like Kenny, Allan,Erna
Rozi, Liyana, Oonchin, SK, Ally and Idah
My juniors, who keep it tight, like nanny Joy and mamaku
Daniel, Lulu, Sara, Nenek, Boocu, Anakku too.
My previous great online buddies, Asra, Marzura, Fana
And not to forget my adik,Tijah and her adik Halimah
Best of all, I want to thank my DotA buddy, Hidayat
Thanks Shikin for letting me borrow him as I like.

(1043)words

PS; I miss writing a composition =)

BandzOut 2008

Yesterday, Bandzout 2008 was a hit. Too many speakers and it blast everyone out of the Amphitheater. I'm used to loud music and not being able to hear myself though and I prefer sub woofers and huge base music and tremble all around but the music played but Trella was really terrible. I wondered how they were even one of the guest bands. But I guess the best sounds came from Firebrands. I love the turn tables with Dr. Mix on it. I think I want to be Dr. Re-mix in the future. Love those beats and scratches they make. Totally rock the house down.

For pictures from the event, please visit my Multiply at:
http://legendkiller.multiply.com/photos/album/44

Thanks to all the event committee and helpers, not forgetting the Excos of 07/08. You guys did a good job. The more things change the more they stay the same. And I was glad to see all my own seniors who came back to watch it with us. It was great to see them again. And not forgetting my very own batch, the botak boys. Its great to see us still keeping in touch.

I wanted to say some few word to that person I use to know, but I guess I won't get a chance to. Well, I just say it here, just in case she stumbles onto my blog.

It's been great to know you from the 1st day I met you.
You were mysterious, strange or should I say weird too.
I didn't know you much until you asked me for pictures and fell sick.
I entertained you through you poxy* days and all throughout the week.
It was a start of a beautiful relationship, I suppose.
I wanted to give you a ring, cards or maybe a rose.
I wanted to say how much you meant to me.
With a couple of movies, really bring back the memories.
I held you hand for the 1st time and it felt cold
I wish I could tell you how much longer I wanted to hold
But time was never on our side and changes we felt inside
Soon after I treated you bad and you think I'm not Mr. right.
So you wanted a break, I didn't know how long it will be
Not long after, It's forever, how stupid and foolish of me.
To think I could bring you back to me and patch this up.
All went wrong and I was wrong to ever, yeah, it suck
So here I am, lost you forever and ever.
You deleted me from all whats so ever.
Since that day, I just wish for just one more moment
To start over and have you back so I won't be forgotten
But there you go again, You've totally changed
Now you have a new life, new friends, new lover as it seems.
But if you think I wanted to get back to you, that wouldn't even be my dreams
All I wanted was for us to talk again as friends
I missed those days when the nights don't seem to end
talking crap and everything about school stuff
We even talk nonsensical things we just couldn't get enough
You seem to be the only one I couldn't get over with
maybe cause you made me miss you more than you think
The way you think I might forget you easier by taking yourself away
but it don't get better in time, it gets worst everyday
put yourself in my position now and try to think
how could you not miss someone who was gone with a blink
without even saying goodbye but just said sorry when she left
I guess you didn't know whats here and what you use to have
You just wanted to throw it all away and start a new life
you just wanted to forget the past and leave it all behind

But life have to move on and I just want to wish you one more thing
All the best and good luck in all that you doing
Harap Allah S.W.T mengkuatkan iman kamu, murahkan rezeki, tunjuk kan kamu ke arah yang benar semoga kamu selamat dunia dan ahkirat.Amin
Saya selalu doakan kamu setiap hari dan setiap malam. Harap kamu berubah untuk menjadi wanita yang soleha. Saya percaya anda akan, suatu hari nanti.=)

Thats' all I guess for what I wanted to say to her that day which I didn't get a chance to.Okay, back to my life again. I'm still happy over some stuff that was said yesterday, especially Ally! You made my day girl. You're the nicest girl I know now. You're so sweet la. You touch my heart all the time. Keep bringing me up when I am down. You just know how to do it. Power la! I least I don't feel so down all day. I just wish I could talk to you all night but your busy, too busy and I understand. And Hidayat, Nasir and Firdaus, I want to DotA with you all. You guys are the best gaming buddies I ever had.=) I wish I could play game all day and all my life. And Ernawita Bte Hamidon, I want to thank you for the kinda bueno you gave me that day, and don't you miss me when I'm in camp, you can always sms k? And you take care and I will see you soon too. And please take only guys and don't take all the girls away from me.( especially my Darling.)=)

Today, watched Hancock, last week was Get Smart and 2 days ago was Wanted. All great movies. Some people say Hancock was not that great, yeahh..maybe but I love superhero movies so no complains for me. The funniest have got to be Get Smart. Wanted is of cos the coolest and a lot of F words came out. No wonder its NC16. Next movie I will be watching, should be The Dark Knight. Anyone want watch with me?

Rock my Life

This morning, I read a post from a friend of mine that lighten up my day. Glad somebody appreciates me. Even gave me a whole lot of reasons too. I didn't realize there are still people out there who still thinks about me.=) well, I guess you can't classify everyone into everyone. Every person in this world is different and it's good to have made many friends along the way. I was just thinking of FAD( Fawze Appreciation Day). Well, i guess I should just forget about it and call it Friends Appreciation Day.=)

Okay, lets see what I have up coming up. Tomorrow is a day out with Hidayat.Watching "Wanted". Angelina Jolie will be hot, I'm sure of it. Can't wait for the movie. Then Friday will be Bandzout 2008/09, means another return back to school. Then on Saturday, I would want to watch Hancock. I guess thats all for now. Sunday and Monday will be my own off days. Pack my bags and get ready to serve the nation. I'm sure Singapore have been long waiting for my services. And not to worry Singapore, you won't be disappointed. As they say, good things must wait. I am looking forward for a new life. Move on I must, guess thats the only road now.

For now, I'm just listening back to the music from 13th November 2007. Linkin Park just rocks my socks off that night. It was a great night, and I remember Theodore and Fazlinda was there too. And I rushed to the Indoor stadium from Sunbird Road, Simei.
I love this part of Faint-Linkin Park

"I let go, watching you,
turn you back like you always do.
Face away and pretend that I'm not,
but I'll be here cause your all that I've got!"

" I can't feel the way I did before,
Don't turn you back on me!!
I won't be IGNORED!!!
Time won't heal this damage anymore,
Don't turn your back on me!!
I won't be IGNORED!!!"

I guess thats just the story of my life now. Will update soon when things get better. It's not that things aren't as good. Actually, I'm enjoying my life when I don't think so much about whats over. I love the friends that I still have and those who passed on, in spirits they're there.=)

Screw the Rules, Play the Game

Okay, there is no rules to this game cause I just screw it. Those who want do and put in their blog, just do k? sound better?

Here it goes...20 questions again and change which ever one you don't feel comfortable answering. Lets begin.=)

1)How many children do you want?

A total of 22, 11 first team players and another 11 substitutes. Yes, i wan to make a football team .( did I forget bout the coaching staffs and managers? I think I can fill in the empty spaces)

2)Where would you go if someone sponsors you an air ticket?

I want to go on Air! Anywhere but Earth.

3)Whats your favorite thing to do?

Have a good time with good friends.

4)Do you think money can buy happiness?

Yes, I want a rich wife. But I don't think that happiness will last.

5)If you're given a chance to revive some thing's back,what would it be?

I want to revive my dead friend who drown in the Kallang river.

6)Have you ever been regretted in life?

Yes, I think everyone knows about it.

7)What are you afraid to lose?

I don't want to lose my religion.

8)If you win one million,what would you do?

One million is not enough to give to people who lost their everything to rich,greedy and selfish people.I will organize a campaign to let those selfish, greedy, power hungry people see what the rest of the world is going through.

9)What do you dream of doing in the future?

Currently, I want to be an Ice-cream man. Trust me, its the coolest job in the world!

10)List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you

-Happy -Easy Going -Friendly

11)What makes you happy?

When people are happy.=)

12)What type of person do you hate most?
People who don't appreciate what they have.

13)If you could have a superpower,what would it be?

I just told Erna this. I want to have sand powers! May my heart be made of sand and fall apart along the way so I don't have to feel what I'm feeling now.

14)Which season do you like?

Winter, let the cold freeze us to death.

15) What name would you give your kids?

If i had 5 kids, I will name them, Red Ranger, Blue ranger, Black Ranger, Pink Ranger and Yellow ranger. If i had 4 kids, For boys I will name them Ali, Bala, Chikung, Din. For girls will be Alicia, Balicia, China, Dina In short, ABCD.

Obviously, I wanted 22, I just couldn't find names for all of them yet.

16)If it's the end of the world ,what will be your last wish?

May god have mercy on their souls.

17)If you have a chance to choose,would you choose to go back in time or to the future? Why?

I would want the future and maybe this wounds would have healed by then.

18)What is the ONE thing you want it badly NOW?

I want sufferings to end, NOW!

19)Whom are you close to?

My close friends and family.

20)How do you handle obstacles in life?

Face the music, solve the problem as soon as possible, do what ever it takes, and laugh about it.

That's it!