You know you drink too much coffee when...

* You answer the door before people knock.

* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

* You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

* You can jump-start your car without cables.

* Cocaine is a downer.

* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

* You buy milk by the barrel.

* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize its not plugged in.

* Instant coffee takes too long.

* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

* You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

* Your Thermos is on wheels.

* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

* You short out motion detectors.

* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

* Your three favorite things in life are... coffee before and coffee after.

* Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an IV hookup.