Part of Me

"Part of me won't go away, everyday reminded how much I hate it."

I wrote a short song, which is yet to be done. But I don't think i want to finish it. After some really motivating words for Ally, it lifted some hope and shown the light on me again. I believe the spark in my heart is still not shining as brightly as it should. I let so many people down. I was weak. Keep on talking about what have passed and have not moved on. Why am I like this? Love is blind. I don't want to feel this way. Dreams become nightmares. I couldn't sleep well. A bunch of assassins keep chasing me for killing a part of my self that I so much want to let go.

"Want to cut it out of my soul, and just live with a gaping hole.
Pride myself and taking control of the situation,
Responsible for it's creation.
Hang my head low cause it’s part of me,
You hardly see, right here in the heart of me.
Hurting me, the roots old scar,
New cuts over where the old ones are.
And now I’m sick of this,
I can’t stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity.
I’d rather not even be than the man that’s staring in the mirror through me."

I keep telling myself to move on, please move on Fawze. I really do want it. People keep telling me too. But no body said it was easy. Learning that skill. Letting go was never my strongest point, I wish it was my talent.

" I didn't realize, instead of setting it free ,
I took what I hate and made it apart of me.
You've become a part of me, You'll be always be right here.
You've become a part of me, You'll always be my fear.
I can't separate myself from what I've done.
Given up a part of me, I've let myself become you!"

So I will just hang around and find some things to do, to take my mind off missing you. Can I just have 4 minutes to save myself. What happen to the good old days when I can just go to the playground and dig so sand into my eyes and dig some dog shit and smell cats water. Who knows I might just find some treasure. Play rocket firecrackers and throw them up high and shock some old folks upstairs when it enters their living room. Or even go the field and kick some balls into the net and faking all of my friends, getting 50 cents for every lobang I get on them. Those days were the fun days.

This is the song i wrote, Its not finish yet. I call it....
The Joy
[verse 1]
He can never hide what have passed
His secrets hide behind his lies
No matter how hard he kept, no matter how hard he tries
The hurt and pain just cut through his pride
[verse2]
Everyone know what he's hiding inside
Everyone know whats happening at night
Everyone is asking if he's alright
Everyone thinks he still got all his might
[bridge]
All he ever wanted was to get rid of this hell
Well, all he's gotta do is stop kidding himself
[chorus]
There was a time and a place,when i saw your face.
Your smile was what i cannot erase.
There was a picture i kept,those feelings i felt.
Your smile never fails to make me melt.

Now I ask myself this, why am I so piss
of all the things you put me through
Makes me feeling more like you...

Soccer News
Spain beat Russia 3-0 to claim a place at the finals and a date with Germany or should I say destiny. All the best to Spain, I hope they beat Germans real good. =)