Just another day.

For the next year(2009), here are the things to get done:

Get a car license.
Finish a year of NS.
Don't get charge for what ever reason.
Don't take MC.
Change phone by the end of next year.
Plan for what to do after NS.
Install XP on my Macbook Pro
Get promoted to CPL before year ends.
Find a new hobby and things to do on weekends other than gaming.
Get fit to play Soccer again.
Try to learn to control my dark side.
Find a new girlfriend, if that's even possible.
Strengthen my iman and pray 5 times a day.
And don't emo and complain so much.

These are what I need to achieve before the year 2009 ends. A new year comes and I just feel like its just another day...

Destiny

I will not post what I feel right now. I feel like shit kay?

So many things happen. Its like it always happens on a happy occasion. It seems like this year, it keeps happening on a great day for everyone and it will turn out to be a bad day for me.

I anticipated that it will be the same for New Years day. Can anyone save me? I just can't seem to save myself. Destiny awaits...

The drug and the addicts.

First question, do I look like a drug addict? Do I take drugs to live? yes no? I don't. Its been the third time I took a urine test this month. I wonder if they realize it was me again for the third time running. Maybe they just love watching me pee into the bottle or love the smell of my urine? Or maybe my urine is a cure to cancer and they are taking some valuable samples. After look at both negative and positive points, I don't really know why I need to go for many urine test. -__-"

Anyways, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs. My addiction is competition!!!

Get you gaming set box ready coz I'm going online again this Christmas! okay, I don't know if I have anything better to do than gaming? No one is going out ehh? I hate staying at home. Now I realize how much I miss going out. But today I went out, like finally and in my uniform which is so hot as I had to cover myself with my jacket so no one will know I from SCDF. but den again, people do look and stare at me. Maybe its because they think my boots shine a lot a lot..:P

Met up with old SIT club friends, YC and AL. Had dinner with them at a food court. YC recommended me this Indon dish which I waited very long for since the queue was so bloody long. But it was worth the wait. Must go eat it again some other time. We were at Plaza Singapura, shopping for stuffs YC was looking for, so we just accompany her around. Then I thought I saw some one I know at Daiso. Believe or not, its been like 3 years or so since I saw Nadya. haha, but I didn't talk to her or what. Guess I just walked away.

On the way back home, I was looking at some couples walk together and a flash back came to me. I was looking back at those old days. It flash to me that I was at Orchard Road looking across when I saw her standing in front of HMV. Its like her face was the only one I saw. Then it flash to me again, we walking around Causeway Point and I held her hand for the 1st time when we were going home together. 3rd flash came to my head and it was us eating together in LJS. 4th one was us talking at blk L lvl 5. fhew..5th was us walking from YCK MRT to school. So many flashes came to me at one time and I was so blur I need to put my head down and rest.

Fhew...those were the times I had and the bestest time of my life. I wish I could have it all back, back to the days... Guess its all gone, I have to move on. A year passed and things change. Nothing about this world is ever the same.

Your still a drug I just can't get my hands off. I need to see a doctor...soon.=p

SQD Dept Outing.

I just feel I should upload these few pics here. These are my current department people. SQD rocks! happy ORD-ing Erry and Jim!=) hope you will have a great life outside and god bless. Maybe I should intro you the people working with me... From bottom left..Hamdan, Khairuazzman (Erry Guerrero) and his GF. Top from left, Irfan, Isaac,Ismail, Imran(Jim), Safwan, Raqib, Hafiz, ME and Ashfaq Alam. Service Quality Department NSFs of SCDF.

Stress on my back

Been such a hectic week for me right after my one week break. Its like everything thats not done is on me now. All the left over work is on my shoulders and its starting to hurt my back. I got this whole list of work to do and I don't think I would give anyone else to do it cause my 'juniors' are not yet trained to do it. So there I was having a lot of problems in office and not to mention the problems I have out of it.

Okay lets list out the things I kena'. Ermm. I was caught for having long hair and was force to cut and show the next day. Kena urine test cause they scared I might be taking drugs cause eventhough I sick and dying, I seem to come to work everyday and don't seem to be tired. But I am tired and I don't take drugs. I'm just superhuman sometimes.  I was force to march as the 'penanda' for a few or should I say multiple times for failing to march properly. I was to design and do a layout for the office and redesign everything. Like become Interior designer already. I got like 5 reports to do in one day and its not those short short ones and I ask my 'junior' to do also useless, more mistakes and more headache for me. I printed like 3 cartons of paper which is like 500 per stack and 4 stack in one carton..adds up to 6000 paper used in 2 days that I did printing. superly crazy amount I should say. That does not include the other times I made mistakes and print and print like no body business.

And this amounts to such great amount of stress and on Thursday, I woke up in the morning feeling a bit down. Then I sneeze and guess what. My whole body was paralyzed for a moment. I could feel my lower body. After a while, I felt a huge pain on my spine. I think I dislocate my nerves somewhere. It really felt like my kidney had gone somewhere else and it really hurts until now. Had a hard time walking and my leg is so hard to control as it don't want to even move sometimes. Its really weird but I at least I can move it most of the time. Thank god.

I hope this pain goes away soon and without seeing any doctor. I hate seeing doctors.-__-"

Liverpool VS Real Madrid! Juande Ramos VS Rafa Benitez! Raul VS Gerrard! Reina VS Casillas! Diarra VS Mascherano! Guti VS Alonso! Cannavaro VS Carragger! Higuain VS Torres! I can't wait!!!=)

Okay enough of that, if you ask me how life is now, I would say its really boring. Too much work over my head. I need something, I think I need someone. But kinda think about it again, why would I? The missing part of me is still missing I guess. Let it be, for now...

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Looking forward.

I think I tried too hard to fix what is wrong than doing things that is right. It might sound weird but ..err..let me explain.

Every time there is something coming up, I will be so stress up and trying to get everything right. I spend too much time planning and making sure everything goes to plan. But actually, I should let the event just flow and try to enjoy myself.

I kept on thinking like an adult and try to prevent so many bad things from happening. Like preventing myself from getting bored. Which I will plan to play my PSP and listen to music. So before I leave home, I will need to get it all right and fully charge them. Then I will tend to forget some great things in life like..enjoying myself with friends. 

My mind is always floating somewhere else. I always think about tomorrow and what the future lies for me. And I think, its hard for me to think about the present. I will never enjoy myself at any point when I'm thinking to myself, what will be next for me. As a matter in fact, I will not enjoy any of the moments we use to have. I think I've been like this for quite some time now. 

I hope it goes away. Or maybe I've change for good. 

I always think of what I should do in future and how it will effect me. I tend to get lost and if things don't go as plan, I will lose myself and tend not to carry on anymore. I quit easily nowadays. But only with people will I carry on again. 

I can't even save myself from falling, how do I expect to save anyone else. I'm becoming evil. I can feel it. Why is this happening? I hear the evil voices in my head now. 

Remember that there was a hero who was the hope of the universe on his hands, and turn evil. Instead he took the world on his feet and step on it. That's what I feel is happening to me now.

Will I turn on the world I love so much?

No turning back eh?

Just shut up will you.

I am no longer your puppet.

Turning grey...

So what, I end up turning into something no one wants to be. I use to be green and now I'm grey. I don't think I can be what you want me to be. Even if I was, you couldn't even see it in me. How could you think of me as the bad apple? Why is he always the good one when I'm the one one who always helps you in everything and listens to you always. I'm sick of it. Being treated like some animal. Doing all the things I don't want to. Doing all the things you ask me to and what do I get. Get stupid comments and being lectured for things I would never do. I hate being lectured. Am I stupid even after getting a diploma. I'm not broken and I'm still doing well. So why do I deserve to listen to those everyday nags kids usually get? I feel sorry for myself. I wasn't able to prove to you that I can be trusted and I'm matured enough. 

I hate being treated like a kid. Start treating me like an adult or I will never end up being one.

Every hari raya turns out to be a bad day for me this year. Yes, I was down again today. I was suppose to go to somewhere but end up staying at home just because I had some disagreement somewhere along the way. And the rain didn't help it one bit. Its all the rains fault. IF it never rained, things might turn out different. Having all these thoughts on my head. It really starts to haunt me everyday. When will i finally be treated as an adult? Cos' I still feel I'm lost kid and a baby. I just wish I could cry again and spill all the milk on the floor.

And I need a new phone. Thats the reason I would never pick up your calls. My phone is dying on its own. Every time I want to change and prove to my dad that its really dead, it will auto revive. Smartest phone in the world, indeed. It leaves me when I need it and comes to me when I'm leaving it. 

Glad to be a friend

Thanks for being my friend. 

Even though we might not see each other everyday or every weekend. 

You will always remain in my heart. 

No matter the distant, I will think of you when we're apart.

Ouh well. Thank you Ally!

Let me see, how we first started. I was walking around block L, and somehow you spotted me. I love going to the club room which was then at level 5 of block L. I never thought any freshie would spot me since I'm only an advisor of the Orientation and people don't really bother I guess. But you spotted me. hehe, which is pretty cool. So I first notice you when you added me on friendster. HAHA, I still remember k. From there we build on our friendship. I don't know how but we slowly did. I was friendly and you were too. Always type in caps, I guess you love talking out loud eh, don't wanna miss a word you say. You're very open in talks, eventhough you talk softly when we met. I know you just trying to show decency and respect. I understand you, and so you too. At the end of it, we became friends. Whenever you need me, I will be there. =)

1st day of the week and its already so tough and hectic and hurts me alot. My colleague is just so irritating sometimes. Taking away half of the M&Ms that i brought.=( I hate it when people took away too much of my candy away. Its like taking candy from a baby. :P

I just can't seem to find time to play my games. I need time! can? Okay, I just can't wait for this week to end and I will be free to do what I want for a week. Guess I need to plan what I'm gonna do. Till' then, I will just have to endure. Ouh well, I'm up so early to watch Liverpool VS West Ham. And I going to catch up on my games.hehe. Take care everyone.