Captain Marvelous

By the end of 4 weeks in BRTC( Basic Rescue Training Center), I've learn a lot of lessons in life and how important it is to love what you are doing. Currently, I decided on one thing, and that is, NS life is not that great. I hate NS, I hate everything about it. It just takes away my freedom, most of it. Free time is not even that free too. Either way, you still have to do what is told. I'm like a "Saikang warrior" for the whole 4 weeks I've been there. And you can't depend on anyone there, not even yourself.

Your body will let you down sometimes but your mind is there to push it. With a strong mind, I barely made it through this week. We often had to lie to survive. No one in there can be trusted. But we all just follow the orders of our superiors. I had a hectic week back in and a hectic weekend out. A lot of things to do and so little time, guess time is never on my side.

I currently have a performance to plan out, again. Why do I always volunteer for such things? Why do I even bother to help people who are not even helping themselves? This is where my leadership skills come in. I guess I have to have great influence to push their butt to work with me. Some would be easily influence but some just got big butts to move along. People are getting lazier as the weeks goes by. I really hate this.

"Be a man and don't show it."- Lance Corporal

Thats what I did, i don't show my emotions even my greatest discomfort in the camp. I just hope the next 3 weeks fly faster than I could blink. And thanks for all those who's been there for me when the days of my life gets darker and endure the changes that I'm facing now. Its not easy but I have to finish this. Thanks for all the support, you know who you are.

Why don't I chat that much as I do before? Why don't I talk that much as before? I don't even care of whats happening to people around me. Is it cause I let them live their life without me? Maybe they wanted this. Did I do the right thing? Will I regret if I ever change my ways.

Yesterday, I relive the day when the heartbreak began. Many wouldn't know or many will forget. But it was the date clear in my memory, forever. It was the day I denied, lie and died. Its the saddest story in my life currently. I don't have much sad memories but yesterday was just one of it. And today, is a "happy" day. I don't want to lie anymore or deny it again. She's gone for good...=)